Alotta Is Everywhere!

Everywhere I go it seems I keep running into someone named Alotta.  I have been a pastor in the Church of the Brethren for 35 years, serving in 6 different congregations.  The congregations I served are quite varied.  Some were urban, one was extremely rural, a few were located in small towns.  The age of the membership also reflected a wide range.  In fact, there were many characteristics that distinguished each congregation as unique.  But the one unifying observation was the presence of my friend Alotta.

Alotta is a master of disguise.  She can appear as male or female, but because of the name I usually refer to her as female.  She can be virtually any age but typically seems to prefer middle aged or older.  Alotta is short, tall, thin, or not so thin.  I have seen her as a brunette, a blond, silver haired, black-haired, a redhead, and even mostly bald.  Her voice also seems to change from place to place.  Alotta never ceases to amaze me with her ability to change.

There are a few ways, however, in which Alotta is very consistent.  For example, Alotta never talks but is often talked about.  She can be complimentary at times but, more often than not, she is a complainer.  To hear others speak of her Alotta sounds like the kind of person who likes to ruffle the feathers.   In fact, I have heard more complaints about Alotta over the years than anyone else I have ever known.  Alotta has a way of drawing controversy.

Interestingly, Alotta has been known to use more than one last name.  For example, in one Church I heard someone say “Alotta People do not like the praise songs we sing!”  Another said “Alotta Folks think the sermons are too long.”  At first I used to think that there was more than one person named “Alotta”.  But seriously, what are the chances of that?  The more I heard about this person the more I was convinced that it is the same individual who just likes to assume different identities.

If there is one thing I learned its that Alotta is very opinionated.  I have heard so many complaints about her.  Here are just a few:

·         “Alotta People do not like when we have altar calls.”

·         “Alotta Members wish we had more altar calls.”

·         “Alotta Folks wish the choir would sing every Sunday.”

·         “I hear complaints about that Alotta Times.”

·         “Alotta People believe we need to offer coffee and donuts each Sunday.”

·         “I understand that Alotta Members are upset about the decision that the Board made.”

·         “There are Alotta Things wrong with this church.”

·         And my favorite, “I absolutely disagree with that, and I am not alone!  Alotta Folks feel the same way!”

And on and on it goes.  My dear friend Alotta has been used and abused many times.

The biggest problem I have with Alotta is the way well-intentioned people use her to justify their own personal agenda.  You see, its one thing to be against something.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I can respect that.  But we have this idea that there is strength in numbers.  We feel compelled to overwhelm others by convincing them that the vast majority of people feel the same way we do.  Consequently, rather than admitting that we are only one of perhaps two or three who feel the way we do we use Alotta to give strength to our argument.  I mean, to hear some people speak, one would think that Alotta sits at the right hand of God.  If Alotta says so, then it is settled.  Who can argue against Alotta?

In 1951 the television show Dragnet premiered.  It aired for 8 years, then had a reboot in   1967.  Dragnet was a groundbreaking police detective program that set the stage for the numerous imitators that followed.  The show was a no nonsense, straight-forward, realistic program.  This approach became best symbolized by its lead character, Sergeant Joe Friday, who became synonymous with the phrase, “All we want are the facts, ma’am.”  Compared with today’s drama-filled, highly intense, action packed, complicated cop shows Dragnet seems a bit drab.  Yet in reality it likely remains the most realistic.  The truth does not need hyperbole.  Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (John 8:32).”  There is nothing complicated about that.

One of these days when I run into my friend Alotta I think I might have to remind her that “All we want are the facts, ma’am!”

George Douglas Gehr
October 20, 2018
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